Book Thoughts: A DISTANT MIRROR

A DISTANT MIRROR, by Barbara Tuchmann is a compelling look at the 14th Century. It takes you beyond the major players into the "people on the ground". Granted, the major players are a big part of the narrative, but for once you get a feel for the impact on the "ordinary folks". Reading a high school textbook, you miss so much of what really happened. I, for one, did not realize that the Black Death was not a one time occurrence. Yes, it wiped out a tremendous amount of people in one year, but it came back in smaller waves over and over again.

The rulers of that era played the game of Monopoly, using their children(usually the girls) as pieces of power brokering. Giving a 6 month old girl in marriage to a 28 year old king or prince has it's share of issues. War seemed to be more of a way to gain financially or to serve as a means to attain glory than anything else. The rulers would pillage their own people to gain financially, whether by taxes or actual pillaging.

What I found most aggravating was the role the Church played. They didn't seem to REALLY care about people, just about money and power. I found also that several of the tenets of both Protestant and Catholic Church today were devised during this time period. That is not a compliment and truth be told, the politics within both the Protestant and Catholic Churches today rival those of the 14th Century.

I came away from the book both enlightened and angry. Enlightened in the sense that I felt I understood a great deal more of history. Angry because I felt lied to by the textbooks and by the church. It certainly gave me a whole new way of seeing the present and future in relation to the past. I feel better for it, even though betrayed by those who randomly, it seems, have taken the title historian. If we whitewash the past, are we helping ourselves? How is it that we seldom hear about the advances they made, instead we are led to believe that the past is bad and the future/present is good? Being in Europe, their sense of history, reflected in the refusal to destroy past in order to "bring things up to date" is refreshing. The past gives us a sense of permanence in a changing and volatile world. We need that.

DANGEROUS GAMES: Book Thoughts

Margaret MacMillan, in her book, DANGEROUS GAMES says "out loud" what those who have spent time studying history have thought for a long time. Discussing the uses and abuses of history can be a volatile subject. What country wishes to be indicted for using history to manipulate their citizens. Too many times history is used as rationale for doing things that should never have occurred. On the other hand, history can be used to help understand other nations and cultures. One of the difficulties I deal with is seeing using history as reason to be arrogant to the rest of the world. Is it really the responsibility of the U.S. to arrogantly take the position of "world policeman" when so much is not under control within its own borders? How can we attempt to force other nations to "see it our way"? What would be our reaction if things were reversed? We arrogantly assume that everyone should have a democratic government without considering their unique circumstances. It has not really been all that long since Europe has left the feudal/clan type of governing and some of Europe still operates a great deal under that umbrella. If the clan approach has difficulty getting along with each other, how do we expect them to be able to agree as a whole on a national level? If we look at Afghanistan or a good share of the Middle East, we find the clan mentality. Why can't a war be won in these areas? Because you are fighting a feudal war not a war for national democracy. These people just want to be left alone and see our attempts a "making life better" as attempts to take away what they have and are used to. A good share of these people are the equivalent of serfs and peasants, with very little education and skills. The danger in messing with their culture is to create an economic imbalance and/or collapse. Do we really have the right to tell another nation how to live?

What happens when a nation says, "We owned a certain chunk of land in 1088 B.C. and we want it back since we had it before the current owners."? Do we take the land from one and give it to another? What if Spain wanted California back? Or the American Indians the U.S.? Haven't we done that in past cases? Why do you think Palestine is so uncomfortable with Israel? It seems that just like those who have no children, feel themselves expert at raising them, it is easier to tell someone else how to do things than to have someone else tell us those things.

I agree that history should serve the function of preventing repeats of negative outcomes, but if it isn't used judiciously, it serves to not just repeat, it is used to rationalize stupidity. I'm sure that it would not be "politically correct" to admit that the real reason we went to war is to stimulate our own economy,or because we have a vested interest, but it would sometimes be the truth. The United States brags that it has never started a war, but that is subject to interpretation, depending on the definition they used when beginning the engagement. Besides, sometimes "poking a sleeping snake" enough causes it to strike sooner or later. Granted, some of the governments of other nations are not "up to our standards", it is not our job to mess in their lives. We preach human rights and such to others, but have problems at home. Perhaps the best option would be to "take the log out of our eye", so we can see to" remove to speck of dust" in another nation's eye.

Thoughts on the Movie "Watchmen"

In the Bible there is a verse, I believe in Ezekiel, that asks, "Watchman, what of the night?". It certainly came to mind while viewing the movie, "Watchmen". This movie is a social, satirical, and philosophical commentary that speaks to us in several layers of meaning. It speaks loudly about the fact that those in leadership embody evil as well as good. There were flashbacks to the rationalizations used to justify Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I'm sure that the name Dr. Mahattan and the concept of the few dying to save the many was no accident. It is pathetic that, as was evident, creating a mutual enemy forces those that were warring with each other to cooperate against a nemesis in the interest of survival. If they can get along then, why not now?

The Comedian, a representative of irony, dies first. What happens if irony dies first? Do we stop seeing the warning signs in our lives? Do we become apathetic? Indifference to what goes on around us serves to make evil spin out of control and become more difficult to contain. The government wished to put a stop to anyone other than themselves being "keepers of the night", so legislated against the mask, which conveniently was the distinguishing mark of the Watchmen. Does this not ring a warning bell that when the citizen allows the government to be the sole guardian of society, that chaos results? It is our responsibility, as citizens, to accept the role of Watchmen in order to prevent evil as well as government from overtaking our lives. Who, may we ask, watches the Watchmen, the leadership of the country, or the groups that strive to power?

Rejection

I have concluded that being hated is better than being rejected. Being rejected puts you out with the trash, devalues you, says that you are not a person of worth, and is generally more difficult to accept. Being hated draws a line that writes you out of that person's life--kind of a black and white event. Rejection, however, may vacillate between the rejection and acceptance. For example, today I reject you, but tomorrow if you do something that I want you to do, I will accept you until you do something that sends me back to the rejection board. So, if you get down to it, rejection can be used to control and manipulate.

I have been rejected more than once and lately being ostrasized by my family is a major part of the most recent. Evidentally, it is not acceptable to tell my parents that they need to prepare a will. I did not say anything about the reason being that I want something from them. I was just trying to make things easier down the road. For goodness sake, there are people in their 20's with wills. Don't you think that mid seventies it is a good idea so that their wishes could be carried out? I would think that wanting them to have a will would show that I care about them, not that I want them to die or that I want certain material possession from them.

The Amish, when a person leaves their community to live in the Englisher world, conduct a funeral and consider the leaving person to be dead to their family and community. Perhaps a funeral for me has occurred in my family without my knowledge since my family refuses to talk to me even though I have attempted communication. So, did I have a lot of flowers at my staged funeral?

There are a few benefits to being dead to your family. Think about it. You don't have to remember significant events like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It also cleans up your email list and help to cut back on the amount of minutes used on your cell phone.

It is so sad that your own family doesn't even know you. Interesting that the very family member that is spreading slander about you is the one that has in the past made it clear what they want when the parents die. I don't want or need any more stuff and besides what is the point in coveting something that is not yours? I have no interest in sitting around trying to come up with ways to spend money that is not mine and may never be mine. I am assuming that they think that money is my only goal in life. I've never had much of it and I personally think relationships and experiences are more valuable than stuff and money. The stuff and money is gone and most times there is not much to show for it, but experiences last a lifetime.

Therefore, even though I am figuratively dead, I will choose life and become better because of overcoming yet another phase of rejection. If I can get past a divorce, where I was used in order for the person to get what they wanted, not loved or cared for, and was merely a stepping stone to have a structure while they were philandering, I guess I can get past my family and their hurtfulness. They need to realize though, that, in my experience, what goes around, comes around. The key individuals, may down the road, be faced with similar circumstances.

The Judgment of Paris--Book Thoughts

I've just finished The Judgment of Paris, by Ross King. A great majority of the book was set around the U.S. Civil War time. Interesting to think about what some of the rest of the world was doing while we were fighting each other.

Perhaps the most mentioned artist is one we seldom, if ever, hear about. The most famous, of his time, receiving national awards for his work, Meissonier. Meissonier, a contemporary of Manet, Monet, Degas, Renoir and Cobert produced a tremendous amount of work. He particularly was fastidious about research when accomplishing his historical works. Unfortunately, unlike Manet, who produced the scandalous painting "Olympia" and was instrumental in inaugurating the Impressionist movement, (a term of derision when first passing the art critics lips), Meissonier even as late as the 1980's fell from favor quickly after his death. In fact, a statue of him was removed from the Louvre and ended up near his grave.

Granted, Meissonier was arrogant, critical, and generally not a very pleasant person, but then artists were frequently temperamental. My favorite story in the book was when he put together a scale model of a battle and since it occurred in winter, used sugar to represent snow. The bees, however, drove him to use a different item for the snow. He then used flour. The mice and rats were in heaven and Meissonier moved his model out to his garden. This full scale model included an attempt to use his son to represent Napoleon, but the hat kept falling off and the uniform didn't fit quite right, so Meissonier ended up posing himself. The poor servants had a great deal of work to do keeping the model the way he wanted. Finally, it snowed. Meissonier almost froze trying to paint outdoors in the snow, but the picture was as authentic as he could make it.

Manet, had in the meantime, seemed to be trying to use shock to get his art noticed. My favorite story involving him is his picture with blue angels and pink loincloth. I'm sure the church really appreciated his use of artistic license there.

It does seem unfair that with the accolades Meissonier received while alive, that he was villainized after death and Manet, whose art was criticized while alive, received his accolades after his death. I guess life can be unfair and the money Manet's art received after death could not be spent by him, yet Meissonier got to spend his money while alive. Meissonier lived to be 76, and Manet only 51.

The Impressionist Movement became a significant influence on the modern art scene and is in fact, one of my favorite styles. The Muse d' Orsay in Paris is the place to go if one desires to see some of the best of the best in Impressionism. The Met in New York City has a fair collection also.

Art tells the story of our time. It serves as a storyboard of the current culture and if a person studies it intently they can see/hear the development of where we have been as opposed to where we are now. Art only speaks to those who listen. Please. Stop. And Listen. You may not particularly like what it is saying, but it must be appreciated for the voice it uses.

The Holocaust--Which One?

I've been reading A Distant Mirror by Barbara Tuchman. This is a history of the 14th century. There are several things that are not taught in high school and even college history that bears thinking about. One thing that I did not realize until I visited Prague, is that the Holocaust that we are taught happened around World War II is merely one of the most recent. The 14th Century brought a Holocaust against the Jewish population that all but wiped it out. The thought at that time was that the Jews were poisoning the wells in order to kill the world. It didn't seem to matter that the Jews also were dying from the plague. The Jew was attacked because they rejected Christ as Saviour, resulting that the Jewish peoples were separated as much as possible from the rest of the "Christian" world. What began with the crusades has continued even to today. These Jews were given the role of moneylender, denied membership in craft guilds, and were also not allowed to serve as doctors to Christians, to intermarry, to sell clothing to Christians, or to deliver or receive goods. Of course, the Christians wanted to know if they were dealing with a Jew, so the Church demanded the Jew wear a (usually yellow) circular patch.(Sound familiar?) In Prague, the Jew was contained inside a specific area, called the ghetto. The ghetto was originally an area in Venice where the iron foundries were and were where the Venetian Jew was contained. All over Europe the Jewish peoples were treated poorly and when it was supposed that they caused the Black Plague they were slaughtered by the hundreds.

It is estimated that about one third of the known population perished as a result, directly or indirectly, of the Plague.

It is supposed that we study history because we are to learn from our past mistakes, but what I have seen as I read this book is that history repeats and repeats and repeats. What have we learned, other than how to "improve" on the past mistakes? Another thing that really bothers me about reading this history chronicle is that the Christian Church has played a disturbing role. A student of history could easily be turned against anything related to the Church. It appears that the Church has gotten far from what Christ originally intended. Oh yes, you may argue that things have changed, but as I read, I found the same dynamics nowadays as back then. The characters have changed, but Protestant and Catholic churches alike are still using the tactics from the early centuries. Politics are hidden, but still very much alive within the higher church echelons and many denominations concern themselves with following rules which they have determined as important to acquire entry to heaven.

Christ preached a simple gospel, love God and love others. Why do we have to make it so difficult?

Radical Living

I have determined that I am a radical. If people define being a radical as favoring drastic political, economic, or social reforms, yes, I fit the category. Those who would be most likely to tag me as radical, however, would be from the church. You know, those who preach love for each other, yet can't find it in themselves to support a social gospel. The excuse of being "in the world, but not part of it" doesn't fly with me. I, personally, see Christ as dispensing social gospel with abandon. I do not, however, see the Church following His example. Granted, there are those in the Church that attempt to reach out to others, but many times, unless they "do things way the Church wants them done" they find themselves abandoned and condemned. Too many times, the Church condemns those who try to help others. Where do you think the Church would have stood on social gospel issues, were they to rule on Jesus healing the man at the Pool of Bethsaida? If you read the gospels closely, you can clearly see where the church stood. Remember the reaction of the Scribes and Pharisees on so many occasions, when Christ didn't "follow the rules"?

I've gotten so frustrated with attending a church that preaches love and then kicks those who try to show it to others. Okay, let's get a bit more to the point. How would you handle it if the realtor you were going to hire turned out to be obviously homosexual? On the other hand, what if he was homosexual and you didn't know it? How would you react? The same, or differently? What if you knew the person talking to you after the church service was a prostitute? How would you treat them if you didn't know?

The gospel Christ preached (and actually lived) cared about people---all people, not just the "acceptable" people. He didn't walk by and look at the people with sadness and then promise a prayer. He got down to their pain and worked to relieve it.

Why might it be considered bad to be a radical, or to be passionate about something? I think whenever someone has the passion to change things, others feel condemned, threatened, and the light that shines in their world exposes their lack of love for others. As a result, it behoves them to shut the passionate radical down.

I see a tremendous need for the "social gospel". Note, I did not say I see a need for people to be preached at. They can't hear the words, if the deeds are screaming louder. There is a great need for society to SEE who Christ is. "Inasmuch, do to others.....feed, clothe, shelter, comfort. . . ."

Our challenge? LOVE in ACTION!!!

Semantics or Truth?

Critical or judgmental, what is the difference? Semantics? Isn't it like saying plump instead of fat, downsized instead of fired, or complimentary instead of free? Perhaps it's an exercise in our ability to say the same thing several different ways. Being "downsized" or "reallocated" doesn't make you any less "fired". Perhaps, at least in this instance, it serves to assuage the conscience of those doing the firing. Calling an egg an oval sphere does not make it a less an egg, but to those who don't eat eggs it may sound a bit less revolting. Read between the lines, folks. Truth be told, using politically correct nomenclature serves to insult the listener since it presumes that they are not able to deal with unadulterated truth. Why pussyfoot around an issue? The leading rationale is to avoid hurting someones feelings---or in the interest of sensitivity. Which would you rather have, the doctor tell you you have lung cancer or to say you have some respiratory issues? Don't we all, even if it is difficult to accept, want the plain and simple truth in understandable words? I say, let me decide what to do with the truth instead of treating me like a fragile idiot. There are ways to soften the truth and granted, some words have sharp corners, but here is where you use love and thoughtfulness. I propose that using politically correct language replaces relationship. Rather than taking time to communicate, the words are packaged in such a way that there is more "bang for the buck" and the speaker can more quickly move on without the entanglement of immediate reaction. By the time the person figures out what the speaker really said, the speaker can literally be across the country. The protection instead of being for the recipient is for the speaker. So, next time someone attempts to feed you some politically correct crap, stop them, ask them what they are REALLY trying to say, and pity them for being afraid of your response so much that they insult you by assuming you are not "adult" enough to handle the truth as well as them not being "caring" enough to be there for you through the incident.

Republican or Democrat--which is best?

I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between Republicans and Democrats. As a result, I've spent a significant amount of time Googling the topics. Conclusion?

The Republicans fear change, base most of their platform on moral values, are harbingers of free enterprise unimpeded by government intervention, and feel that "government governs best when it governs least". The Party is notorious for a majority contingent of Conservative Christians, who are considered by some to be gay bashers and anti-choice.

The Democrats are viewed as liberal, socialistic, and wanting government to be intimately involved in our lives, particularly in social programs. This Party appears to be concerned with the environment, social programs for the poor, and equal rights for all citizens regardless of orientation.

I see issues with both parties. The Republicans can come across as distant relatives of the Pharisees that Jesus attacked so often. They could use incorporating some of the social program ideas of the Democrats. They could also use exercising some mercy toward those who don't fit their mold. Just because I do not endorse the gay lifestyle, does not mean that I should go out of my way to make life horrible for them. How many people do you know that would be drawn to a change in lifestyle by being attacked? How did Jesus act toward the tax collector, who was considered the worse sinner by the Jewish outlook? How did He act toward the harlot? If the Republicans condemn the Democrats for their social platform, as Christians, what are they doing to solve the problem? The Democrats would not have a social platform if the Christian base were doing what they should. Are the Republicans feeling guilty about their lack of caring for those on the bottom of society?

So, here are my thoughts regarding the Democrats. They seem to want to fix things without spending as much time as they should in research. Throwing money at an issue doesn't fix it. They also are strong proponents of Political Correctness, which, under the guise of being careful not to offend, limits free speech for one of the parties, and causes them to be offended. Talk about a circular, unproductive way of doing things.

Perhaps the real issue is that we, in America, have lost respect for individuals. It seems that we have become so self-centered that unless everything is focused on us and our interests, that we are "offended". Why can't the Muslim live next to the Jew or Christian? Are they all three trying to change the other into carbon copies of themselves? Where does love fit in this discussion? Remember the "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you?" How would that change the world? If I am right in my opinions, where does that put you? If you are right, where do I fit? Can we agree to disagree on things? Jesus didn't try to change the minds of the Pharisees because He knew there was little hope for that. All He could do is SHOW them a better way. Rather than being known (as Christians) as narrow-minded bigots why not be known as loving, caring, and merciful? Mother Theresa is known all over the world as someone who showed the world what true love in action is like. How would you show love in action?

I'm not saying that one of the two political parties is better than the other. I am saying, however, that they each have good points and where one is strong and the other is weak, by working together, they have the potential to make a lot of positive decisions for our country. Unfortunately, it seems that things boil down to personal agendas and the good of all is compromised.

I believe that, these days, more than ever, we need to be informed voters. We need to endorse those candidates that would speak for us without being easily intimidated.

Superheroes vs Reality

I heard one teen say that movies with only one superhero are not worth watching. Why might one need these superheroes? Perhaps we need them because they look so cute in those spandex outfits, or because we need rescuing from something. Life can get pretty complicated and there are times when we get into situations that we could use help. What type of superhero do you think would work best? Superman seems to cover a lot of bases. Maybe one that could use an icy freeze ray, throw lightning/fire, stretch a long distance, climb the side of a building, or transform into a fighting machine would work. All this talk of superhuman powers remind me of the Greek and Roman gods and the things they were purported to be able to do.

I'm thinking that we like to lean on superheroes because life seems overwhelming and it would be easier to have a superhero rescue us than to "take the bull by the horns" and take the needed action ourselves. Face it, life can be terrifying at times, but it also can be wonderful. Taking responsibility for our destiny empowers us. Granted, things may not work out the way we hoped, but look at all the amazing things you have experienced and learned along the way.

So, I guess we could do without a superhero. What do you think? Actually what I REALLY could use is a knight in shining armor.

Julie & Julia Thoughts

I just returned from watching the movie Julie & Julia. I had been anxiously awaiting it hitting the theater. Granted, the French language was a bit butchered, and that's going some for me to notice, since I speak very little French, but I absolutely loved the movie. I so love Europe and have been to Paris twice. I think that I would love to live in France. I know, I've only been to Paris, but I'm sure that the rest of the country is even more wonderful. Sarah and I, even before she took French in high school, pretended that we had tons of money and we bought a chateau in France. We would have converted it into a bed and breakfast. I would do the cooking, and Sarah and whoever she married would have a cottage and do the maintenance. I think that one of the reasons I enjoyed the film is that it was film on location, in Paris. The sense of history just walking down one of the streets is amazing. I found myself wanting so much to return to Paris when I saw places that I recognized. Besides the location, I enjoy cooking. One of my sources of entertainment is to cook something that the person normally would not eat and watch them take seconds. Spinach souffle, strawberry-rhubarb pie and sauerkraut cake were a few of the things I have "inflicted" upon the unwary. I also enjoy the challenge of making otherwise "not so good" food into something worth eating. When on Guam, my former husband was put on a special diet, not many hypoglycemic prepared foods in the 80"s even if you weren't on Guam. Plain yogurt, fresh fruit and a couple packets of artificial sweetener made a passable ice cream type treat. Recently, I've done a little research into the diet for high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I'm thinking that may be my next challenge.

Sarah has a friend who specifically asks to be a "guinea pig" for me to try out new recipes. Perhaps that is good---or not?

Health Reform Continued

Watching the uproar around the country, I decided to research what this bill actually was about. I think that the health care reform bill's resistance is due to the feeling that choice is being removed. America has traditionally been about choice and this bill appears to take those choices away especially from the most vulnerable citizens--the elderly, chronically/critically ill, poor, and even the over weight. Anytime the government has run things, for example, the Post Office and Amtrack it has been a disaster. Why can't we work with the insurance agencies to accomplish affordable health care for all? Why not issue vouchers for help in paying for health care instead of forcing people to take this 1015 page package that will inevitably lead to more and more government control of individual lives? The wording in the reform bill has the potential of taking us into the euthanasia arena. Other countries, including Canada, have experience with socialized medicine. How is it going with those people?

One area Chuck Norris pointed out is that the government would send people to your house to teach you how to raise your children. How is that not an invasion of privacy? We keep being told that the concerns raised are not true, but I'm sure people feel like the German people were told the same thing. It is a bit disconcerting to listen to the fear expressed by those people on both sides of the debate. There are those, of course, that don't trust anything the government attempts to foist off on us and also those who believe that the government is taking care of us. I propose that they are both off base. It has always been unwise to be on the outer limits of any belief system. Fear is natural and good if coupled with informed choices, but can create fanaticism if not contained. The additional fear that we are being lied to compounds the issue.

I appeal to those who ride the wave behind those who SAY they know what this bill is proposing to read it for yourself and not take what others are saying by faith. They may be right in what they are saying, but then again how will you know if you don't do the research for yourself?

National Health Care Questions

1. Who will receive it?

2. Who will pay for it? How?

3. Who will benefit most?

4. If person is on a poverty level, with just making ends meet, how will they afford to have more taken out of their check?

5. Who would most likely suffer?

6. How will it impact the terminally ill, handicapped, or elderly?

7. How will it drive the cost of health care down--or will it?

8. How will it affect those who are currently paying for health care, or getting health care from their employers?

9. Wouldn't it be more attractive to employers to encourage their employees to take this instead of having company sponsored insurance?

10. What will be the safeguards against abuse both by doctors and patients?

11. Will there be a cap on care for an individual?

12. There are currently doctors who refuse to take Medicare/Medicaid patients, would that happen with this plan?

13. How would this impact Medicare and Medicaid?

14. Would this force patients to see a less qualified doctor than those who carry their own insurance?

15. Would this generate so much paperwork that it might be counterproductive?

16. Other countries have socialized medicine, have we considered their experiences?

I wonder if these questions have been addressed in the course of planning. It could be catastrophic if we rush to implement a plan that is poorly conceived. Success or failure could literally make or break our country, and most assuredly the current administration.

I Wish..I Wish....

Do you think Aladdin had a difficult time determining what to wish for after he rubbed his lamp and the genie told him he had three wishes? What might you wish for? Think carefully now. If you got your wish, how would it impact your life? How many times do we wish for something and when we get it discover that that wasn't what we really wanted? Wishes are like coconuts, surrounded by a tough husk that has to be removed to get to the main nut and even then, that nut must be broken open to get to the milk and meat. Wishes most times are encased in a husk and a shell that require work to get at. If one wishes for a cat, for example, the actual wish might be for addressing loneliness. Some people wish for "things" and discover dissatisfaction shortly after acquiring them. Perhaps what they really want is self worth. Getting to the motivation and core reason for a particular wish may be quite a challenge, but in order to be satisfied with your wish it is essential.

Another thing to think about when wishing is the principle of cause and effect. Just like going back in a time machine, we would be warned to be careful not to change history. If you get your wish, how will it affect your life, relationships, job, and attitude? If Jim wished to be rich, (a common wish) would he no longer want to associate with his current friends, become snobbish, and/or change his life in such a degree that he has lost sight of what he used to believe in? Might he discover that he has grounded his life in what he has, instead of who he is?

I'm thinking that determining one wish could be difficult, let alone three. I can certainly better understand why God doesn't answer all our prayers the way we think He should. He can see down to the "milk and meat" of what we really need/want and sometimes getting that involves what seems to be a circuitous route. There are so many variables that may impact even a seemingly harmless wish.

I wish...I wish... What DO I wish? If I analyze the motivation behind my wish and consider the cause and effect of that wish, I will certainly be more careful in my wishing. I suppose I could give my wish to others, but even then, how might it affect them? If all wishes were taken away, would that eliminate hope? Perhaps expressing my wishes and hopes to God and trusting Him to "sort them out" might be the way to go.

I Want to Be....A California Cow

Dear Dairy,

I've been watching commercials for those California Cows and they look so happy. Could you tell me how I could become a California Cow? Here in Michigan, the winters are really cold and our farmer refuses to heat the barn. The barn television is always playing ESPN....I hate sports. Most of the year we have to eat this dry, tasteless stuff they call hay. The other cows keep telling me I should be happy that I have free room and board. I don't consider it free since the farmer keeps us barefoot and pregnant a good share of the time and then takes our children away so he can use our milk for other things. Bessie told me that the pasture is not always greener on the other side of the fence and that the California Cows are just trying to make things look better than what they really are. I think she's just saying that to shut me up, since there are a couple other cows thinking about joining me on my quest to happiness.

The farmer has one of those handheld GPS things that I could use to tell me how to get from Michigan to California. I figure it will take quite a while to get there, so any help you can give will need to be here before the end of the month. I would try to contact one of the California Cows, but the farmer keeps his computer locked up. There may be about five of us on the trip. I wish we could fly, but I heard airport security nowadays is pretty tight.

I need to get a few things together for the trip so would appreciate you getting back to me right away.

Thanks,
Future California Cow

P.S. I didn't sign my actual name in the event this letter gets intercepted by the farmer.

Politics, Religion and Personal Responsibility

Politics or religion, sometimes it's hard to tell them apart. The fervor with which one views the issues of both serve to blur the lines between them. One argues that abortion is a religious issue while another sees it as political. On both sides, there is a certain amount of leadership playing the puppeteer. It bothers me the number of people who blindly trust others to tell them how to think and vote without weighing the issues personally. Why am I on this rant? I came across one of the opinion polls rating our current president. One could argue that he inherited the country's difficulties from the former administration or on the flip side that he made a bad situation worse. At what point in his leadership is the best place to "take the temperature"? When can you truthfully say that the advice from Congress and his counsellors has been faulty or not? What would you have done in his place? Look at how many people he has to please. Arguably, any CEO has to make decisions that may not be popular with all in his organization. What makes one think that a President would be any different? Of course, he will make some bad decisions, but he will also make some good ones. One's opinion of effective leadership can be colored by whether one expects success or failure. A pre-determination that Mr. Obama, for example, will fail creates the climate that ensures one seeing the negative in a stronger light than the positive. The same works in reverse, regarding pre-determination of success. The law of probability assumes that there will be a percentage of good and bad decisions. How much stress would it be to have the entire world watching while one attempts to solve problems that have so many variables? Perhaps we need to take off our rose colored glasses and consider the outside variables in our pre-determinations.

I am neither condemning nor condoning Mr. Obama, merely asking if anyone could do the job to please everyone. We come out of an election with the "pie in the sky" thinking that whomever we elect will make miracles happen. Maybe it's time we did something in our realm of influence and stop expecting the President or Government to "take care of us". Granted, voting for competent leadership is a step in the right direction, but sitting back and expecting the government to take care of us with little or no personal input is unrealistic and a certain way for the government to disappoint. Where and when have we lost the reality that WE are the government and those in office merely elected representatives? Those representatives are there to set up the framework that the country operates under, not to "do it all" . Government was never meant to be a welfare system and it is a proven fact that those areas in which an individual is personally invested can have the capacity to change the world.

Conclusion: Stop whining and complaining and get out there and change your corner of the world. (This may even mean running for elected office.)

Love Makes the Flowers Grow

Tears water the seeds as the young widow plants her garden.
Over the years, she caresses each bloom as she remembers her late husband.

The flowers have listened daily to her tales,
Stretching their stems to hear more clearly when her voice drops to a whisper.

One day the widow speaks to someone other than her flowers;
The blooms see no one, but hear her talking to ghosts of the past come to share her garden.

At her passing, the entire garden misses her touch, her voice, her presence.
Truly, love has made this garden grow.

What Does History Teach Us?

History: What Have We Learned?


Do we ever really learn from history? Reading a history book, I am reminded that the current economic conditions are echoes from the past and that those past echoes include civil unrest. Revolutions have repeatedly been fought by those who, at the time, had nothing to lose but their life, and that life may have been numbered by days. No homes, no food, no job, no hope, a recipe for the desperate to grab at any thin thread of survival. Those who have not, in their frustration, attack those who have. Monarchies have tumbled, Shahs overthrown, and Presidents replaced. What, if things don't turn around in the near future, does America face? Will we have a nation broken into countries to replacethe individual states? As a country, we have arrogantly attempted to manipulate other country's economies and governments. At what point does representative government appear to the citizens as the privileged oppressing the underprivileged under the guise of speaking for the underprivileged? How long do you think it will be before the desperate go that further step?

How do you think those two hundred years into the future will interpret our history? In an attempt to see what they may see, think about this: The Twentieth Century was characterized
by short periods not employed in some type of war. The Great Depression was eclipsed by economic distress in the early part of the Twenty-First Century. Although a time of great discoveries and scientific advances, the Twentieth Century was also marked by some of the greatest scandals and most notorious crimes/criminals. While a seeming age of prosperity, where even some of the lower classes owned their own homes, not all was rosy around the world. Ethiopia, for example, had devastating famine and scores of people in refugee camps due to government uncertainties and infighting.

There comes a point in which the suffering don't much care how or who fixes the problem, but that it appears fixed. They are looking for some sort of Messiah that can promise relief. The long term at this point is not a consideration. They wish to eat today. This sets up a dangerous vacuum in which a ruthless leader, similar to Hitler or Lenin, have opportunity to step into the forefront. Politics are disregarded in favor of economics. Once the economics start turning around, discovering the mistake of leader choice can be faced. Too late, but now how to deal with a despot? Or do we?

The answer? If it was that easy, there would not be a problem, would there?

Eiffel Tower, symbol of Paris

The Eiffel Tower, the ultimate symbol of Paris, started as a albatross in the eyes of the Parisian people. Today, it defines what the rest of the world thinks of when they think of Paris. Prague also has an Eiffel Tower--a copy of the original. Been both places.
From a distance, it is impressive
From a distance, it speaks to the world
Close up, it overwhelms yet when you ascend it, it also expands your view of Paris and of the world. Looking out from the top, you are grounded yet with your head in the clouds. Why do we feel that life is a serious venture that has very little joy? Why not in the seriousness have our heads in the clouds a bit too? Dreams, hopes, prayers, are essential to balance the stresses and distresses of life. Lord, help me to see the little joys within the intense disappointments. The gold and silver threads among the dark.

A Half-Baked Story

It has unfortunately been aired about that the Pillsbury Doughboy has died. The autopsy report lists yeast infection as the culprit. Pop Tart has notified the friends and family. Surviving the Doughboy are his Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, Hungry Jack, and Betty Crocker. Duncan Hines,the McDonald Clan, and the Campbell Clan will be coming from Scotland for the funeral. Pop Tart will Turnover the proceedings to Swanson's Funeral Parlour who during times of grief, rise in a Jiffy to the occasion. The Doughboy brought such Joy to the kitchen, which resulted in a Bounty-ful Tide of calls to the family. Julia Childs admitted "losing her cookies" when it Dawn-ed on her that it was the Doughboy. She will be providing the funeral Banquet with the help of Marie Callendar. The Boston Market has offered a Helping Hand with Butterballs for the rolls. They would like to do more, but in this tough economy, they are suffering with Lean Pockets. General Mills will Post an honor guard in the Glade where the Doughboy will be lain. Sara Lee, a close friend of the Doughboy, will conduct the ovenside service. The service will be Fry-day at 350 for 20 minutes.

10 Things I Have Learned About Having Adventures

1. Not many adventures just happen, you need to plan them. Granted some people seem to have adventures happening spontaneously in their lives consistently, as a general rule, an adventure requires a certain amount of planning. The year I planned to go backpacking for 60 miles my daughter was seven. Never mind that she threw up before we even walked one step and also that after thirty miles we had to call it quits because the number of blisters on my feet were almost as many as the miles we walked.

2. Just because the adventure didn't pan out the way we planned doesn't mean it was unsuccessful or any less an adventure. The backpacking trip was half as long as we planned, the first nights campground had no water, and raccoons ransacked our packs, but what makes something an adventure is the potential for the unexpected.

3. Other people don't always want to hear about your adventures. I have found that at first people may politely listen to your stories, but after a time, you sense they seem almost jealous. I've had difficulty with this because I love to listen to people tell about their adventures because it is a way I can relive their excitement with them.

4. People like to talk about their adventures. Talking about the adventure brings some of the "rush" of the initial adventure back. One of my adventures I was not allowed to tell anyone for 20 years--until it was declassified. That was SO hard.

5. Adventures run a range of mildly stimulating to outright terrifying. The day I attempted to rappel off the side of a building as part of Jungle Warfare Training easily hit the category of terrifying.

6. Even though a person's life is boring they would rather live their adventures vicariously through movies and books than to actually experience them for themselves. It feels much safer to go the vicarious route. Safe can be pretty boring though. I used to love to read spy adventures and dream of being a kind of 007, saving mankind and coming forth as the heroine with not a hair out of place. I "accidentally" ended up involved in one of those spy adventures for real when I was in the Air Force. Let me tell you, when the pen and ink adrenaline is pumping for real through your flesh and blood body, you find that actual fear is WAY stronger than any author could ever express it.

7. Even small adventures can be fun. Doing something out of the norm can invigorate you, give you something to look forward to , and change your perspective on life. Remember as a kid, looking forward to Christmas, or trips, or whatever? Anticipation and planning can be as much a part of the adventure than the adventure itself.

After Peter got out of the boat to walk on the water, do you think that any of the other disciples wished they would have gotten out of the boat too? Peter's perspective on getting out of the boat had to be different than those still in the boat. They would tell the story from the vicarious viewpoint, whereas, when Peter told the story, it would be about HIS thought, perceptions, and feelings. Who would tell the best story, the one who actually experienced the event or the one who sat back and saw it happen?

8. You can invite others into your adventure, but you will find that few will take you up on it. The adventure may be too risky for some and since it wasn't their idea, others won't want to join.

9. Whether you realize it or not, life is an adventure, whether you see it as such and making the most of it is up to you. Making the most of the adventure makes you stimulating, exciting, and fun to be around. Plodding through life, seeing it as a drudgery and a a rut is reflected in your way of relating to people. So, learn to "do things afraid", lean into the rappelling rope, realizing that it will stretch before going taut. It will be occasionally frightening, but how will you truly describe rappelling down the cliff, parachuting, or hang gliding unless you take that chance.

Sometimes God places you into an adventure not of your choosing. I am in free fall right now and have been since last year when I lost my job. To be honest, even though I have sent out tons of resumes, things don't look good at the moment. The only thing I can do right now is to enjoy the scenery, the experience on the way, and lean into the rappelling rope rather than worry about when or if the rope will hold or even about hitting the ground. God has never let me down in the past and although I have no idea how or where I will land, my "instructor" does, and He will see that I get down safely and that everything will work out.

10. There are some adventures we don't want to participate in. Plain and simple, some adventures suck. Watching a loved one die from cancer, losing a job, having your house burn down or ... Most of these are adventures we had no choice but take part in. These are the type of adventure that determines our level of faith and where it is exactly our faith is based.

I've been on a lot of adventures, both good and not so good, in fact, I've had several people tell me I should write a book. The overwhelming thing that I have learned from my adventures is that I want to keep having them. Life is so much more exciting being colorful versus being black and white. The dark colors make the others more vibrant. If I were to put a paint brush in your hand, would you join my adventure?

Cemetery Sign Language

Sign in a cemetery: Due to the grave-diggers' strike, all grave digging for the duration will be done by a skeleton crew.
"Did you see that? Looks like we'll be busy for awhile. Maybe if we do a good job, we can keep doing the grave digging. It seems like they would want us rather than living people to do the work because it would save the city alot of money and they wouldn't have to pay health benefits."

"I don't know, whenever they have left us to do the mowing, it doesn't go well."

"That's because the north side of the cemetery skeletons keep getting in the way when Bones tries to mow. They seem to think it adds to the ambiance and scaring teenagers isn't as much fun when the grounds look so freshly manicured."

"Whatever. Are you going to volunteer for this new position? It appears that they are thinking it may be temporary."

"I'm thinking it will take a couple of us, maybe more, since our muscles aren't what they used to be. "

"Well, I hear they need a grave done for Saturday. We could give it a try."

"Super. I'll get the shovels. Should we dig during the night or be adventurous and start right now?"

"Watch that shovel. You almost decapitated me."

"This is harder than it looks. I keep getting little stones caught in my feet."

"Yeah, I'm thinking that I hope the strike is over pretty soon. I don't want to have to do this very often."

"They can't say they worked us to the bone. Hee Hee."

"I have a bone to pick with you already. Stop with the corny jokes and dig."

"I was just trying to tickle your funny bone. Hey, look what you've done! Now I don't have a leg to stand on, you Bonehead. Help me reach my femur since you knocked it out from under me."

"Run!! Here comes a dog! I knew this was a bad idea. Whoops, sorry about your femur, looks like Fido is carrying it home."

"Sign Language"

"Quick, Mabel there's a sale at the Tempo store."

"What's the rush? We don't need to get there before it opens."

"But we do. There was a sign out front yesterday that said 'Senior Citizens Buy One, Get One Free'. I want to make sure I get the best of the pick."

"Are you thinking they may be selling MALE senior citizens?"

"Of course, and if I can find one I like, you could pick one for yourself and we'd split the cost."

"I don't know about this. I really don't need anything like that."

"Oh, stop being a spoil sport. It will be fun. Get your hat. We need to get down there before that Shirley from the beauty parlour beats us."

"I can't believe I'm letting you talk me into this. Slow down! We don't need to have to explain to the cops why we are speeding through town."

"Mabel, you should do some more exciting things in your life. This is going to be fun and exciting. You never know how it will turn out and that's the fun of it."

"You certainly are right in saying that we won't know how it will turn out."

"Look, look we aren't the first ones here. If you hadn't dawdled we would have had first looks at the merchandise."

"It appears Sally is wearing her best dress. She wore that to her grandson's wedding last month."

"Shoot. I knew I should have worn my little black dress."

"The store manager is unlocking the front door now."

"Great. I wonder how they are going to handle this. Maybe they will set it up like an auction."

"How do we tell which senior citizens are for sale? They don't seem to have any price tags on them."

"Oh oh Suzy looks mad."

"What's the matter, Suzy?"

"I told that manager I was going to turn him in for false advertising. Can you believe it? They advertise senior citizens, buy one, get on free and then when I tried to do that, the manager told me that that was not what it meant. I pointed out to him that that is what it stated on the sign. He is trying to say that people who are senior citizens can buy something like toothpaste and get one free. He is probably trying to cover up the fact that he didn't have enough senior citizens to go around. "

"He is certainly going to hear about this. We should call the newspaper and the cops. False advertising is against the law. "

"Come on, Mabel. We might as well go home."

Unemployment

I came across some infamous quotes that bear comment.

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." (Ronald Reagan)
"I know how hard it is to put food on your family." (George Bush)
"When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results." (Calvin Coolidge)

At a local TV News Program:

"Economists have been working long and hard to maintain their jobs since determining that, 'When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results'. Since they made that announcement, thousands of resumes have poured into the offices where they work. There have been cover letters which pointed out to the hiring executives that they could do a better job of stating the obvious and perhaps if the useless economists were unemployed, they would be better able to assess the issue."

On the other hand, we need to appeal to those who have jobs and are unhappy with them. For,
as President Reagan said,'We want to make sure that everybody who has a job, wants a job.' If those people who have a job don't want theirs, I'm sure that there are thousands who would be happy to help them out. So, if you have a job, and don't want yours, you may call this news station at 555-555-5678 and those who want a job and don't have one may call 555-555-5679. We have a bank of telephone operators to help both parties.

Also, to those unemployed who are looking diligently for employment, be aware of a growing scam. There are more and more companies advertising for unpaid interns. This is a "legal" way of getting free labor. This makes it difficult to "put food on your family," although, you might be able to use this as an idea for a new exercise program. You could write a book and appear on the Today show, thus propelling yourself into the public eye.

I saw an ad on Craigslist the other day that was a response to people complaining about Kirby vacuum sales jobs being listed and the underhanded things that happen there. A particular person was defending selling Kirbys citing that you should do whatever it takes to make money in this tough economy. And I quote,"i don't sell Kirby's but i do own one. From what i can tell people on hear would rather have some one collect unemployment then sell Kirby's? The reason i am saying this is simple unemployment is at 14% in Michigan pay attention there are not any jobs. So if some one is selling a Kirby and making money great because at least they have a job and can pay there bills. " My question is, "Where are they going to find someone to buy a $3,000 vacuum, if no one is working?" Besides, if you consider the spelling and grammar in this quote, it is "no" wonder they own a Kirby. I am supposing that what is being said is that it is okay to make no money and be taken advantage of as a Kirby salesperson.

As we wrap up this news bulletin, the forecast for the economy is, rain with little chance of let up in the near future. There will be clearing in occasional and varied locations, but watch for intermittent tornadoes. Chrysler is looking to move out of a tornado, just as GM enters one. There is a great deal of debris and rebuilding to take place. No word as of yet as to when things will be operational. Just as Hurricane Katrina victims are even yet recovering, it will be a long hard road for GM and Chrysler and those directly and indirectly effected.

Thanks for tuning in and we will see you again at 11:00 for more.

Chinese Live on Water Part 2

Another take on the headline:

Researchers for the country of China have been experimenting with alternate food supplies. China has, for years, had difficulty feeding its people. After rejecting several food alternatives, the researchers are focusing on water. It seems that water is abundant in most places and it is no secret that the human body has a need for water. Picture this:

"Wife, what's for dinner?"

"Water."

"Again! Can't you do something to make it a little more tasty? It gets a bit bland having it meal after meal, day after day."

"I agree. I was thinking about trying to add some flavor. Mi Ling added dirt to hers last night to add spark, but said her family found it to have a gritty texture and the small rocks kept getting caught in their teeth."

"I saw some flowers, berries and leaves that may have potential."

"I thought of that too. Ling Ling has already tried a bunch of that stuff. It seems that their 'last meal' included berries which turned out to be poisonous."

"I would suggest catching mice or snakes or something like that, but I haven't seen any around since they put us on this water diet."

"I guess we should keep looking for something to add to the water, but for now, we seem to be stuck with same old, same old."

Results of the water diet have turned out to be live changing. China now boasts that they have overcome obesity in their population. Of course, the death rate has risen, however, that has a beneficial effect also. Population control has effectively been achieved. Top government officials have declared the research as "ground breaking". Amazing as it is, the government officials have declined to try the Water Diet.

Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water

Actual Headline:Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water.
Is this what they really meant?

The Chinese government has, for several years, restricted families to only one child. Now, they have found that somehow rebellious Chinese families have found ways to double that amount resulting in an unacceptable rise in population. The issue to be be resolved is where to put all the excess people. Even though there were several suggestions by top government officials, the most viable solution was to provide houseboats to 250,000 people and chain them together off the coast of China. The advantage to this solution is that, not only would the housing issue be resolved, but food stamps would be reduced, since those people could get their food from the ocean. One official was quickly removed when he asked where the people would use the restroom. It seems that that was a delicate topic not to be discussed.

Those eligible for houseboats should report to the local welfare agency to be placed on the list. The boats should be available sometime this century. For those enterprising individuals, it may be a good time to go into making boats for a business. How many boats do you think would be needed for 250,000 people?

With the Olympics in Beijing, I wonder how the Chinese government would hide all those boats. They would want to, or try to. Bad Press.

Perhaps the U.S. could learn from the Chinese. You know, maybe they have. Think of all the times our government has come up with ideas to solve pressing problems without thinking them through entirely, kind of like the Chinese official asking about bathrooms. Let's think about the GM bankruptcy issue. They threw money at the automakers, who were not making wise decisions up to then, and instead of giving them help in the business decision area, gave them a bunch of money. They didn't know what to do with what they had, why would they do better now? If your kids wasted their allowance time after time on making the same dumb mistakes, would you say,"Here, I know you spent all your allowance and you are a long ways from getting more, I'll just give you more to waste?"

Little Miss Muffet Revisited

Writing Prompt: Rewrite a nursery rhyme (Three Blind Mice, Jack and Jill, etc.) from a character's point of view.

"Mom, can I have breakfast under the tree out front?"

"Are you dressed?"

"I can be in just a minute."

"I'll get your bowl of curds and whey ready. You might want to take something to sit on so you won't get dirty."

"Okay. I'm ready."

The door slammed and Miss Muffet carefully carried her bowl to the base of the tree. Sitting there, she watched the birds playing at the bird feeder and the sheep playing in the nearby field.
As she sat, a spider made his way to within inches of Miss Muffet's face. Seeing movement from the side, Miss Muffet turned her head and found herself eyeball to eyeball with the spider. Jumping up, she knocked the bowl of curds and whey into the dirt.

"Mom, Mom! A spider!"

Rubber Ducky

"Stop already. I have ten people coming for dinner and this is a disaster."

"But it's funny. Don't you think it's funny?"

"NO. What am I going to feed these people?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Look at it this way, you have the entertainment covered."

"Help me find something that will work to cut this thing. I've tried every knife in the drawer, even the serrated ones. I've even tried the electric knife. The only thing I haven't tried is a circular saw."

"Even if we figure out how to cut the duck, do you think it might be a bit "chewy"?

"You may be right. The only thing worse than not being able to slice through the skin on this duck would be watching a dinner guest attempting to chew a bite of it."

"Why don't you put together a pasta dish and I will go find the karaoke machine."

"Karaoke?"

"Sure, I figure we could have a contest for who can do the best rendition of "Rubber Ducky, you're the one. . . "

"The next thing you'll want to do is to throw the duck on the table and see if it bounces. It certainly has a high potential in that area."

"Maybe we could play Duck, Duck, Goose too."

"This is ridiculous. They are going to be here in an hour and I have NOTHING to feed them. I wonder if I should get pizza. And, stop singing, 'LLama, llama, duck'."

Writing Exercise: Deja Vu?

Dear Person who needs somebody to go back in time,

I am extremely interested in the concept of time travel and need a bit more information. How far back in time do you wish to go? I've been thinking, and if I were to go with you, I would like to travel back to the Middle Ages. I really like the clothes and would love to live in a castle. Oh yes, where exactly do you see as a landing spot? Landing in the ocean would not have the same draw as landing in Paris, for example. In addition, I would need an idea where and when the landing would be in order to appropriately arm myself. I would like to keep my weapons light, but want them to also be effective.

How much are you planning to pay once we get back? You are going with the person who answers this ad, aren't you?

Would you be able to share some information as to your methodology. How have you developed time travel? I realize that you will wish to keep some of this information confidential. You don't want someone else running with your idea, but I have done extensive research in this regard, and may be able to assist with any "bugs" that may occur.

I have a couple weeks vacation coming up in June, and could potentially go at that time. Give me a call at 555-555-5555 and we can discuss the details.

Thank you for this exceptional opportunity. I can't wait for your call.

Albert Einstein

Writing Exercise: Gnomes for Sale

Actual ad from a newspaper:

Gnomes for sale.
72 gnomes, many retired.
Value approx. $8,500.
Will Sacrifice.
Serious Inquiries only.


Doesn't the face on that little Gnome touch your heart? Here he is outside the Cafe des 2 Moulins in Paris. Now it seems that when he gets home he will be facing sacrifice along with 71 of his close Gnome friends. Gnomes have feelings, you know. They also have names.

How do you think you would feel having a price on your head? Even knowing that you are only worth about $120 is devastating. By the way, at what age do you think Gnomes retire? All the Gnomes I have known have been hundreds of years old. Perhaps this pictured Gnome is on a trip that followed his retirement party.

The person who placed this ad is opening themselves up to be contacted by the AARP. The AARP doesn't take it lightly to have potential or actual members sacrificed. Do you think that the euthanasia of Gnomes is just the beginning and that people are next? Perhaps this is a test to determine public opinion before introducing euthanasia in Congress. Just a couple of years ago we saw the attempted demise of the plastic pink flamingo yard ornament and now we have moved on to Gnomes. It could be small dogs living in trailer parks next. You never know.

This is a call for help. Rescue these Gnomes before they are all sacrificed and all we have is a distant memory of how Gnomes have touched our lives. Take up a collection using coffee cans sitting on a store counter if you must, but I plead with you, have compassion on these Gnomes whose only crime has been to grow old. You will be there yourself one day, you know.

Please, please senior citizen Gnomes should not have to face this. Call now before it's too late. The author of the ad doesn't say when exactly the sacrifice will take place. Act quickly.

Writing Exercise: Make it Fit

"What are we going to do, Ralph? The coffin is too small?"

"I told Mr. Getts that the idea of prepaying for a funeral was not just creepy, but not a good idea. What happens if a person prepays and doesn't die for thirty years?"

"Maybe that's what happened here. The guy was fifteen years old when they prepaid and he grew another seven inches."

"Don't be silly, Steve, they don't put a coffin on layaway, waiting until the person dies. I think Mr. Getts is trying to save money. The price of coffins has gone up from the time the guy paid and anything over six feet long is a hefty extra cost."

"Do you think we should say something to the family?"

"What, and lose our job? NO."

"So, how are we going to fit Rodney here in this coffin?"

"If we take off his shoes and turn his knees sideways we should be able to squash him in. We need to make sure, however, that they don't have a fully open coffin for the viewing."

"What if the family finds out?"

"How are they going to find out?" Once the body is in the ground, no one will know."


----There actually was an incident in which a prepaid funeral resulted in a 6'7" body was placed in a 6' coffin.

Writing Exercise: Shark Diet

"What are you doing for dinner tonight, Sam?"

"I don't know. The doctor told Mom that I need more variety in my diet."

"Why? What have you been eating?"

"Mostly octopus. Mom keeps trying to get me to try more things, but I'm not really interested so I just bump the food with my nose and look for something else."

"Do you think you might be anorexic or bulimic? I know that Suzy has an eating disorder brought on by eating a gasoline canister."

"Don't think so, but I am wondering if maybe that time when I tried to eat a human, it was so disgusting that it took my wanting to try new things away. I am so afraid that the next time I try a new food that it will turn out to be horrible too. I will never forget the nasty taste in my mouth from that."

" Know what you mean. I've tried some really tasteless and indigestion causing things too. The time I ate a license plate and a chunk of chain I was sick for three days."

"You know, I'm getting hungry talking about food. What do you say we get a salad? I see a sea cucumber just ahead."

"A salad? You, a Great White Shark, eat salad? I can certainly see why your mom took you to the doctor."

Writing Exercise: Woodchucks

Chewing gum manufacturers around the world reeled at the news released by Gardener Magazine. It seems that a woodchuck survey has determined that woodchucks are repelled by Juicy Fruit gum. As a result, the sales of Juicy Fruit have increased 500% leaving their competitors with a small market share to split. The competitors have mobilized their marketing and research people to determine how they can pump life back into their falling sales. One researcher has committed himself to establishing why Juicy Fruit would appeal to woodchucks. Juicy Fruit has been known for years as having a very short lived fruity flavor, which after just a few chews becomes non-existent. This particular researcher has established that the woodchuck is so repulsed by the fact that the enticing aroma and flavor quickly disappears when sampled,that said woodchuck leaves the area in disgust. At this point, the determination is that the market share for gum is for the time being tied to the temporary increase in the woodchuck population and that once everyone has banished its resident woodchuck that the market would stabilize and go back to what it was originally. There is a slight hope that, having a few sticks of Juicy Fruit remaining, the consumer would be reminded, by chewing them, that there was an excellent reason why they usually bought another brand and that the woodchuck has a good reason to leave. Why would the woodchuck wish to hang around someplace that would feed him such inferior snacks?

A note of concern goes out to those who did not read the article and buy their Juicy Fruit. What do you think might happen to the neighborhood that had an infestation of woodchucks and all but one person used Juicy Fruit? I imagine that waking one morning and peering out the window at a carpet of woodchucks on your lawn might be a bit disconcerting. Just think, you laughed at your neighbors when they said they were going to try using Juicy Fruit to rid their yards of woodchucks. He who laughs first...

Penny Blessings

Found a shiny penny today. If pennies each represented a blessing, would a quarter equal twenty-five blessings? What does a person do with his blessings? I suppose one could spend them, keep them for himself, give them away, or even leave them on the ground and walk away.

If one left them on the ground and walked away from them, does that mean they don't want or need a blessing? Perhaps they left it for another person to find, hoping that that person could use a blessing? Maybe adding to the blessing would also be an option here.

If the blessed spent his blessing on himself the blessing would be short-lived, however, if the blessed spent his blessing on someone else, the blessing would be multiplied, since there would now be two people blessed.

If the blessed kept the blessing for himself and just hid it away, it would quickly lose the power to impact his life and would become just another penny in the bank.

What if the blessed invested his blessings in order to make them grow? I suppose there would be a few options here, too. Say I took my blessing and bought a lottery ticket or played the slots. The chances of a return on my blessing would be small, although several people would choose this option to increase their blessings. The most effective way I have found to double my blessings is to share them with someone else. Yes, we are talking about more than finding a penny on the sidewalk here. God has given us so much and we have the idea that if we don't keep our blessings close to us that we will lose them. The truth is, it is in sharing that we increase our blessing and in hoarding them we lose them. Think about the times you have done something for someone else, or given them something they needed. Do you remember how you felt? Do you remember how they reacted? So....who got blessed here? Yes, both of you. God asks us to tithe ten percent. Do you really think He needs the money? Of course not. The giving of the tithe is for us to learn the joy of giving.

There is a movie called, "Pay It Forward". The joy someone gets in doing for others is not something one can bottle and sell as an elixir. The glitch in all that has been said here is that in order to supercharge a blessing one must have the right attitude. Do something nice or blessing someone with the intent to receive for yourself takes the power out of the blessing. There are times that it also removes the blessed person to feel the impact of the blessing. If love and joy are attached to the blessing given, it is like attaching fireworks to the package and increases the potential for more than just a couple people to partake of the blessing.

So, if you, like me, see the penny on the ground as God's blessing to me, ask how you can be God's blessing to someone else. It's more than finding a penny, it's the joy in sharing God's love to someone else. You will find your own life has become more meaningful.

Assignment: Start a blessing log. At the end of each day write down at least one blessing that you received that day. Some days it might only be that you noticed the beauty of the open tulips in your neighbor's yard, but this exercise will result in you looking for blessings during the day and not focusing as much on the negative.