Writing Exercise: Woodchucks

Chewing gum manufacturers around the world reeled at the news released by Gardener Magazine. It seems that a woodchuck survey has determined that woodchucks are repelled by Juicy Fruit gum. As a result, the sales of Juicy Fruit have increased 500% leaving their competitors with a small market share to split. The competitors have mobilized their marketing and research people to determine how they can pump life back into their falling sales. One researcher has committed himself to establishing why Juicy Fruit would appeal to woodchucks. Juicy Fruit has been known for years as having a very short lived fruity flavor, which after just a few chews becomes non-existent. This particular researcher has established that the woodchuck is so repulsed by the fact that the enticing aroma and flavor quickly disappears when sampled,that said woodchuck leaves the area in disgust. At this point, the determination is that the market share for gum is for the time being tied to the temporary increase in the woodchuck population and that once everyone has banished its resident woodchuck that the market would stabilize and go back to what it was originally. There is a slight hope that, having a few sticks of Juicy Fruit remaining, the consumer would be reminded, by chewing them, that there was an excellent reason why they usually bought another brand and that the woodchuck has a good reason to leave. Why would the woodchuck wish to hang around someplace that would feed him such inferior snacks?

A note of concern goes out to those who did not read the article and buy their Juicy Fruit. What do you think might happen to the neighborhood that had an infestation of woodchucks and all but one person used Juicy Fruit? I imagine that waking one morning and peering out the window at a carpet of woodchucks on your lawn might be a bit disconcerting. Just think, you laughed at your neighbors when they said they were going to try using Juicy Fruit to rid their yards of woodchucks. He who laughs first...