The Feminine Mistake

Our first mistake as women is letting others tell us what will make us fulfilled or happy. We have the tendency to wait passively for our lives to become the wonderful things we imagine that life is supposed to be, relying on others to somehow make it happen. The frightening part is that it takes tremendous effort to break out of the mold that we have lived within since birth. It is easy to believe or say we believe that we need not always seek other people's elusive approval, but exceedingly difficult to act on what we belief. It often takes more than courage--it takes something akin to dynamite. We've been told what we like, and what makes us happy so long that when asked what we really feel we have no idea. It's like we are afraid that if we are happy with something different than we've always been told, that someone will attack us and make our ideas seem unimportant, stupid or insignificant. It is easier/safer to go with what others tell us than to take the risk of being and doing what we think.

We face one of two fears.
1) Fear of not being able to accomplish anything on our own.
2)Fear of becoming too dependent.
A healthy woman creates a balance between intimacy and independence.

Realize:
1. You are responsible for your own life.
2. You are not going to please everyone.
3. Rejection won't kill you.
4. The way you treat yourself is how others will treat you.
5. Some problems can't be solved.
When you are an adult ask for opinions not permissions.

Don't confuse rejection with disappointment. Rejection can bring your life to a standstill while looking at the same situation as a disappointment only slows things down for a while.

Feeling good or bad about yourself is reflected in the ways others treat you. Think about the days you felt wonderful about your life and how people seemed to react to you. Now, think about the days you were negative and grumpy. How did people treat you then? Sometimes we have to pretend ourselves into a good mood.

Attempting to empathize with the "hostile force" allows us to deal much more productively with conflict. Don't get hung up with the negative emotional vibes of others--try to understand them and react to the situation rather than the emotion. This will allow you to think clearly--not clouded by your own emotional response.

Rejection

I have concluded that being hated is better than being rejected. Being rejected puts you out with the trash, devalues you, says that you are not a person of worth, and is generally more difficult to accept. Being hated draws a line that writes you out of that person's life--kind of a black and white event. Rejection, however, may vacillate between the rejection and acceptance. For example, today I reject you, but tomorrow if you do something that I want you to do, I will accept you until you do something that sends me back to the rejection board. So, if you get down to it, rejection can be used to control and manipulate.

I have been rejected more than once and lately being ostrasized by my family is a major part of the most recent. Evidentally, it is not acceptable to tell my parents that they need to prepare a will. I did not say anything about the reason being that I want something from them. I was just trying to make things easier down the road. For goodness sake, there are people in their 20's with wills. Don't you think that mid seventies it is a good idea so that their wishes could be carried out? I would think that wanting them to have a will would show that I care about them, not that I want them to die or that I want certain material possession from them.

The Amish, when a person leaves their community to live in the Englisher world, conduct a funeral and consider the leaving person to be dead to their family and community. Perhaps a funeral for me has occurred in my family without my knowledge since my family refuses to talk to me even though I have attempted communication. So, did I have a lot of flowers at my staged funeral?

There are a few benefits to being dead to your family. Think about it. You don't have to remember significant events like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It also cleans up your email list and help to cut back on the amount of minutes used on your cell phone.

It is so sad that your own family doesn't even know you. Interesting that the very family member that is spreading slander about you is the one that has in the past made it clear what they want when the parents die. I don't want or need any more stuff and besides what is the point in coveting something that is not yours? I have no interest in sitting around trying to come up with ways to spend money that is not mine and may never be mine. I am assuming that they think that money is my only goal in life. I've never had much of it and I personally think relationships and experiences are more valuable than stuff and money. The stuff and money is gone and most times there is not much to show for it, but experiences last a lifetime.

Therefore, even though I am figuratively dead, I will choose life and become better because of overcoming yet another phase of rejection. If I can get past a divorce, where I was used in order for the person to get what they wanted, not loved or cared for, and was merely a stepping stone to have a structure while they were philandering, I guess I can get past my family and their hurtfulness. They need to realize though, that, in my experience, what goes around, comes around. The key individuals, may down the road, be faced with similar circumstances.