The Feminine Mistake

Our first mistake as women is letting others tell us what will make us fulfilled or happy. We have the tendency to wait passively for our lives to become the wonderful things we imagine that life is supposed to be, relying on others to somehow make it happen. The frightening part is that it takes tremendous effort to break out of the mold that we have lived within since birth. It is easy to believe or say we believe that we need not always seek other people's elusive approval, but exceedingly difficult to act on what we belief. It often takes more than courage--it takes something akin to dynamite. We've been told what we like, and what makes us happy so long that when asked what we really feel we have no idea. It's like we are afraid that if we are happy with something different than we've always been told, that someone will attack us and make our ideas seem unimportant, stupid or insignificant. It is easier/safer to go with what others tell us than to take the risk of being and doing what we think.

We face one of two fears.
1) Fear of not being able to accomplish anything on our own.
2)Fear of becoming too dependent.
A healthy woman creates a balance between intimacy and independence.

Realize:
1. You are responsible for your own life.
2. You are not going to please everyone.
3. Rejection won't kill you.
4. The way you treat yourself is how others will treat you.
5. Some problems can't be solved.
When you are an adult ask for opinions not permissions.

Don't confuse rejection with disappointment. Rejection can bring your life to a standstill while looking at the same situation as a disappointment only slows things down for a while.

Feeling good or bad about yourself is reflected in the ways others treat you. Think about the days you felt wonderful about your life and how people seemed to react to you. Now, think about the days you were negative and grumpy. How did people treat you then? Sometimes we have to pretend ourselves into a good mood.

Attempting to empathize with the "hostile force" allows us to deal much more productively with conflict. Don't get hung up with the negative emotional vibes of others--try to understand them and react to the situation rather than the emotion. This will allow you to think clearly--not clouded by your own emotional response.