Friday, November 13, 2009
Rejection
I have concluded that being hated is better than being rejected. Being rejected puts you out with the trash, devalues you, says that you are not a person of worth, and is generally more difficult to accept. Being hated draws a line that writes you out of that person's life--kind of a black and white event. Rejection, however, may vacillate between the rejection and acceptance. For example, today I reject you, but tomorrow if you do something that I want you to do, I will accept you until you do something that sends me back to the rejection board. So, if you get down to it, rejection can be used to control and manipulate.
I have been rejected more than once and lately being ostrasized by my family is a major part of the most recent. Evidentally, it is not acceptable to tell my parents that they need to prepare a will. I did not say anything about the reason being that I want something from them. I was just trying to make things easier down the road. For goodness sake, there are people in their 20's with wills. Don't you think that mid seventies it is a good idea so that their wishes could be carried out? I would think that wanting them to have a will would show that I care about them, not that I want them to die or that I want certain material possession from them.
The Amish, when a person leaves their community to live in the Englisher world, conduct a funeral and consider the leaving person to be dead to their family and community. Perhaps a funeral for me has occurred in my family without my knowledge since my family refuses to talk to me even though I have attempted communication. So, did I have a lot of flowers at my staged funeral?
There are a few benefits to being dead to your family. Think about it. You don't have to remember significant events like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It also cleans up your email list and help to cut back on the amount of minutes used on your cell phone.
It is so sad that your own family doesn't even know you. Interesting that the very family member that is spreading slander about you is the one that has in the past made it clear what they want when the parents die. I don't want or need any more stuff and besides what is the point in coveting something that is not yours? I have no interest in sitting around trying to come up with ways to spend money that is not mine and may never be mine. I am assuming that they think that money is my only goal in life. I've never had much of it and I personally think relationships and experiences are more valuable than stuff and money. The stuff and money is gone and most times there is not much to show for it, but experiences last a lifetime.
Therefore, even though I am figuratively dead, I will choose life and become better because of overcoming yet another phase of rejection. If I can get past a divorce, where I was used in order for the person to get what they wanted, not loved or cared for, and was merely a stepping stone to have a structure while they were philandering, I guess I can get past my family and their hurtfulness. They need to realize though, that, in my experience, what goes around, comes around. The key individuals, may down the road, be faced with similar circumstances.
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